Hi! It’s been a minute . . .

I don’t remember when the last time I wrote on here was – I can easily look it up, but I just don’t want to right now. The shame comes up? It’s weird, but I was really excited to continue writing and hoping to write about something besides my battle with cancer and leave that identity behind. But this isn’t a mask I wore for a period of time while I received treatment. It really isn’t, and this process has been harder than I expected. I knew it would be hard, but it’s harder in another way. I wasn’t ready, I guess. I always try to brave through the awkward, the uncomfortable, and the issues, but it’s really been hard. I thought I could just return to normal, albeit with new precautions and with new caveats, but a return to normal nonetheless – and it is not possible. I am proud of the progress I’ve made, but I just need to sit with this new state of being. I wanted 2026 to be my “preparing for success” year, rebuild my finances, rebuild my body, heal my mind, and make moves to live my best life in 2027 and onwards, basically just setting myself up for success. Part of that included writing about other things other than myself in the context of this cancer process, but man, has that been a source of severe procrastination. So here we are.

Anyways, I went to the doctor and stopped my medication for neuropathy and started another drug. I am not really feeling any change with the pain, and if anything, I regret stopping that medication. While it didn’t touch my neuropathy in my feet, it did actually help the pain I experience in the breast area following surgery and radiation in the area. So, I’ve actually felt an increase in pain in those areas. One year post surgery, I have experienced about 45% return of sensation in that area. The new medication has led to an increase in pain as well as continued fatigue and constipation. What an absolute drag.

I’ve been focusing on sleep as my primary healing modality and have been clocking a consistent 9 hours. Everything else slowly falls into place, but I am thankful for an understanding family and friends. The fatigue is ever-present, and sometimes I am just too grumpy from dealing with the pain to go out – I don’t feel like I would be good company.

An activity I need to engage in more is just creating. I deleted my tik tok account and now still find myself scrolling on other apps. I’ll find a way out. This is it for now – I hope to be a bit more consistent in the future. So it goes.

Oh, a little bit of annoyance – I know people read these posts, but WordPress “resets” ? I don’t know if that’s the word, but everything is back to 0 – maybe I truly am screaming into the void. Alas, that wouldn’t be such a bad thing, would it?