Living for the weekend

Lately, I’ve found myself looking forward to the weekend as I recover from chemo. The recovery process has been slow and much more draining than I had expected. Previously, steroids gave me some normalcy and functioning, but now, without them, the fatigue feels especially long and overwhelming. I feel somewhat betrayed, but that’s the wrong word. No one explicitly told me what to expect. It was my own storyline that recuperation would be a breeze. Come to think of it, no one mentioned anything about it, and I didn’t think anything of it. In the absence of information, I filled in my own narrative, and now I’m upset that it’s become clear this will not be easy.

Aside from the personal, it has also become apparent that others have come to the same conclusion – that I am fine and back to 100%. On the work front, this has been to my detriment. In the battle that is chemotherapy, I suppose recuperation is often overlooked since it’s the absence of the worst.

Today I am having a good morning and am slowly becoming more social, but it’s not without its issues. I am miserable on the gastrointestinal front and don’t quite understand what is causing this. I’ve removed most irritating foods and have kept it simple. I also need to call the cardiologist. I still don’t have answers.

All of this is somewhat overshadowed by the nervousness about Radiation on Tuesday.