We made it to Friday!

Today I am feeling really good. I feel physically okay and back to baseline. Mentally, I feel really coherent and recognize that I am not experiencing memory problems as badly and rebounding much more easily. I realize I’m behind on some tasks, but honestly, I’m just proud of how well I’ve worked during treatment, despite never expecting to be in this situation. Don’t get me wrong, I wish I didn’t have to. I wish I could just focus on healing.

The cognition issues have been a bit disorienting for me. It does feel scary to experience it in real time. Hopefully, it is temporary and not a lingering symptom. To tackle memory loss, I keep a task list and write things down as soon as I think of them or as they become pertinent to an activity. For repeated conversations, I rely on context clues and the patience of others. I’m happy to feel more like myself, instead of a ghost fading in and out with symptoms. This experience is wild—I wouldn’t wish it on anyone. Still, I’m in awe of science for giving me a chance. Learning more about my diagnosis, I’m grateful there are good treatment options for my breast cancer and more options compared to a decade ago.

This morning, I met with the cardiologist, as recommended by my oncologist, due to my elevated resting heart rate. The cardiologist was kind, answered my questions, and explained his approach and next steps. I’ll get tests to establish a new baseline and see how my heart has handled the new chemo drug. Hearing that permanent damage is unlikely and recovery is possible was a positive boost. I had accepted a weaker heart as part of the treatment, so his reassurance helped.

I’m seeing the light at the end of the tunnel and am trying to dream of new possibilities. Although I feel trapped at work, I am hoping to create more ‘me time’ by doing more art and adopting a more structured approach to my day. I’ve gone from previously being on call 12 hours a day at my previous jobs to now having a 9-to-6 pm job. It still feels like it dominates my week and my time, but I really need to make time for myself. I’ll get there eventually.

I’m so happy it’s Friday!

Some things that have brought me joy lately:

• Hibiscus tea
• Spending time with my brother and mom
• Creating a paper chain countdown for the end of chemo
• Coloring in my sketchbook
• Eating some delicious watermelon and strawberries
• My comfy pajamas
• Doing more arts and crafts
• Getting some kitty cuddles

Some things I want:

• A Snickers bar
• A compression massage
• A matcha or mocha latte from Lineage
• The motivation to dress up and put makeup on  
• The motivation to put on fake eyelashes bc I don’t have any anymore

Some things I am looking forward to:

• Sleeping
• I am seeing a friend on Saturday (hopefully health-willing)
• More arts and crafts
• Writing to my pen pals