It’s Wednesday and I’m finally feeling back to baseline

What a severe case of whiplash and emotional rollercoasting I have gone through! I hate it and am finally feeling somewhat back to normal. Normal, not in the back to normalcy, but the new normal, where the symptoms are finally beating me up at a slower and more manageable pace than the overwhelming despair-inducing pace. A win is a win! Though I am still really bummed out that the cycle will repeat on Monday.
I told my therapist yesterday that I am much closer to the finish line than I ever have been, but the finish now feels so long away, and the path long, winding, and treacherous. I likened it to making my way through a series of mountain climbs, and now the finish line lies at the top of Mount Everest. This new chemo combination has been devastating, and I wonder if I can bounce back from it—these symptoms. I am happy that there is a lifetime limit on how much can be administered to a person. That gives me a bit of a mental buffer and relief that I may be spared this drug again. I am not even in the mindspace to think about Radiation therapy, but even after the end of this whole thing, I still think I will need significant time just to BE and PROCESS the fact I had cancer, that I went through surgery, that I went through chemotherapy, that I went through this whole thing. I want to rest. I’m getting the bare minimum. I can’t even begin to fathom how much I need to process this year.
This is what I’ve got. I still am processing so much from my therapy session, but I am thankful for the relief that session brought to me.