“Oh, It’s You!” 

Today marks the end of the first chemodrug combination on my treatment plan. I was very excited, but I also had the Monday dread – yet I was still so happy. I was very aware of my bodily reactions this time around, and I am saddened that the port is giving issues again. It didn’t work right, even after multiple troubleshooting attempts. The blood had to be withdrawn via my arm. The one win was that the nurse saw the googly eyes I placed on the port side, and she got a real good kick out of it. She said she had been waiting three years for one of her patients to do this, so I am happy I brought joy to her today. All the nurses are so sweet and truly inspiring – the care and the fact that I am genuinely seen and taken care of has been excellent, providing a good grounding experience knowing I am in capable hands. This is a crucial component – feeling safe when undergoing such a potent and destructive treatment.
I am concerned about the port, as it could potentially indicate a delay. I am hoping all goes okay, and I am looking forward to getting the next chemo drug over with – I found out that it would be a faster process, too, so my day would be shortened by one hour. A win is a win!
The hot flashes started, and they were so persistent – I felt like that scene from Airplane! with the pilot drenched in sweat. I went to the bathroom quite a bit, and I’m taking that as a win since it means my kidneys are working well. I saw the older woman who greeted me each time. She helped me open the bathroom door, and when she got a good look at my face, she said, “Oh, it’s you!” I still don’t know her name, nor does she know mine, but that immediate catch-up and sharing of battles and wins was delightful. She reminded me that this is a marathon, not a sprint. She’s so right.
The work went fine. And now I know I have about 2 days of semi-okay functioning before I take a deep dive into decreased normality and brace myself for the bone pain and other symptoms to arise. Now, this is the physical side of symptoms. Today, I am fatigued; this update required multiple edits, and I am replacing letters and words that are close but not quite right. The mental decline has been concerning and just something that I was aware of but took for granted that I would be spared.
Today, I feel stuck, but I’m trying to remain positive. I feel stuck in the sense that I’m just waiting and waiting to reach the end. I will reframe it. One lovely thing was getting to eat at a lovely restaurant I love. Another delightful experience was strolling and feeling the warm sun on my skin.
I hope you have a wonderful week ahead. This Florida weather is really lovely, and I wish I could submerge in water. I still have restrictions, but I will get to do that soon! If there had been something you have been wanting to do – even as small as getting a lovely little tea or treat – do it. Embrace the joy!