I am thankful for the day 

This week has been rougher than the previous one. I am reaching the halfway point, and I can see the end on the horizon for treatment. It feels like such a fast progression, yet every day progresses slowly, like I am watching the sand fall through the timer grain by grain. Given the increased acid reflux, I am thankful for the nutrition, food I can tolerate, and my kidneys for helping me get through this process. I’ve been hydrating more and ensuring I am drinking enough. The oncologist said that through these chemotherapy drugs, my kidneys, in particular, are working overtime. I am thankful for them and the minimized adverse side effects from immunotherapy. I am astounded by how many things can go awry with immunotherapy and count my blessings every morning.
I’ve been adhering to a simpler routine, which has been going well. I am dedicating more time to reading and have gotten through 3 books in the past week and a half. Sitting with my body every day feels like I ran a marathon. I am thankful for my heart that has been managing with the blows and for my lungs, which continue to sustain me. I have recently experienced more intense bone pain that medication can’t reach – it’ll try, but it’s there. It’s made days intolerable, and it’s been exhausting. I’ve been gaining weight, which is a blessing because the last thing I need right now is to lose weight, according to the oncologist. I am bloated, but I am alive, and I am getting the nutrition I need.
Still, I count myself lucky in the grand scheme of things. I am ready for a break, and I am prepared to recuperate. I’ve thought about what habits I want to integrate in my post-cancer journey and am considering adhering to less meat intake and ensuring I sleep enough. Truly, the process to recuperate won’t be overnight. I’ve been told it takes 3-6 months to return to “typical” functioning. This is not even considering the toll radiation will take. Shit, I do have to account for that now too. That regimen of treatment sounds intense – I was told I would do radiation 5 days a week – I’m going to try my hardest to ensure I get the earliest time slot to ensure I get to work on time.
One major thing I want to improve is eating mindfully without distractions. I’ve been eating while working, and right now it does help with the nausea, but this is not something I want to continue. I hate feeling like this. I am reading the book Careless People, and seeing how much has been going on on Facebook has been intense. I am also taking note of the author’s job routine. I see myself in the habits I once had, always being available and responsive. Reading the book has been a good reminder that these habits are unhealthy, and I will try my best not to do that in my current or future employment. Setting those boundaries is essential, and I’ve just been sitting with the gnawing feeling I’m not doing enough. Yet I have and don’t need to do more than rest. I am fatigued and about two hours away from ending my day at work. I recognize how much this process has helped me reset my life and my routines. It’s a positive.