It’s the weekend! 

I am so thankful that it is finally Friday, and this is the first week I am comfortable enough to reach the standards set forth by my job. I have previously tried to go above and beyond, and I’m proud to report I did not do that this week. The fatigue has been too much, and I managed to reach the standard. I am proud of myself and will focus the rest of my day on attending the meetings, then call it a week. How silly is it that I must consciously work to do the standard and stop going overboard? So so silly.
I am in a weird contemplative mood about what to do professionally. Honestly, I don’t have much choice – I need to stay here for another year simply due to the health insurance access – but I still find myself lost and wish for something else. I was always set on leaving this industry as it has cost me so much of my mental health, physical health, and money, and it has only ever shown me the bare minimum and dare I argue just so much violence. I thought this company would be the change, but that’s not true. I don’t know.
I pulled up my resume, and I don’t see much on there. It’s so niche.
What have I truly done?
I no longer wish to get a phd like I wanted. I’ve never sought managerial positions or wanted to open my own business. I don’t find much meaning other than just the recognition that I need the money to survive, live, and travel. And, I’m stuck. I am only thankful that, at least in this position, I have positively affected the lives of others, but beyond that, I am not fond of this industry.
Anyways,
My mom made some tamales that were so delicious and did NOT trigger my acid reflux. What a blessing!
This weekend, I will hang out with some dear friends, my boyfriend, and my family. I am thankful for that time and hope this upcoming week goes smoothly.
Given the circumstances this week, I did the best I could, so now it’s time to rest.