Finally the weekend! 

This past week went by well! I was very concerned, given that upon reviewing my labs, I saw a decreasing trend in the data points, indicating my bloodwork has been demonstrating a deteriorating roster of markers from the number of red blood cells to other health indicators. This is expected, given how chemotherapy destroys both the good and the bad. I remain thankful that while my appetite has decreased, my food sensitivities haven’t deterred me from enjoying wonderful meals. This week, I felt the fatigue creep up faster and stay longer. It feels like a weighted blanket falling on me and paired with the high heart rate and blood pressure – truly a disorienting experience.
I am nervous about how the rest of the treatment will go. I am concerned that fatigue will take me out, and it is not something I can afford work-wise. I was informed that one immunotherapy infusion costs $27,400.00, and holy moly. That’s astounding. Now, I need one infusion every three weeks for one year – that will easily run into the $300,000.00 mark. Treating cancer is expensive. The surgery in February cost $97,000.00, and the surgery to place the chemo port cost about $37,000.00. Overall, I’m looking at treatment being a bit over half of a million dollars.
Nonetheless, I am so thankful for the insurance; I am so grateful to be employed, I am so thankful for payment plans, and I am so grateful that evidence-based treatment options are available to help me live a long and healthy life. I am praying I am cured and have no instances of reoccurrences following. I am praying I can maintain my work attendance and keep my employment. To me, it seems silly to be worrying about this, but this is the reality of undergoing cancer treatment in the United States in 2025.
This week, despite the fatigue, was pleasant. My issue with fatigue is that I have always been hyperproductive. So, my resistance stems from the fact that I will no longer do as much as before. Again, I have to fix this perspective. But this week, I spent time with friends and family and enjoyed my time with them.
As I write this, I had a productive morning, during which I took the car for maintenance and ran a couple of errands. That knocked me out. I am now writing this entry and watching a replay of last night’s San Diego Padres vs. the Pittsburgh Pirates baseball game. I am still new to understanding and experiencing the sport, but I’m here for the ride. I wasn’t expecting to become such a sports fan this year, but it’s fun. I enjoy the ambiance.
One thing that’s become more apparent as I near almost a month of being bald – is how simultaneously I become a fixture of people’s staring and become invisible. I guess that further cements how much our society is apprehensive about discussing cancer despite its prevalence. Regardless, becoming invisible has helped me in advocating for myself and just in general giving less shits about how people behave around me.
I also finally started my living will – yay me! I got it started, but it’s not yet done. I need to plug in the details, but at least it’s halfway there. I am finding myself tuning out more and more news. It’s too depressing and spikes up my stress. I saw a headline about the current chemo treatments being too aggressive and immediately had to close my browser. I always wanted all the information, but now I would rather know enough and leave it at that.
A thought I had this week was that I hope my friends don’t find my incessant talk about my experiences with cancer and chemotherapy boring or too much. I am trying not to let it consume me. I haven’t been doing enough for my health – but I am. I am eating good foods and working on my sleep schedule, and last month, I had perfect attendance for my twice-daily meditation practice. Meditating has been extremely helpful in keeping me present.
I am hoping for a good weekend, and it’s already turning out to be great. I feel like I’ve run a marathon and got beat up, but I’m here, I am well, and I am still kicking. I am really thankful for my resiliency and my positive attitude.