It’s Friday! 

Well, what a WEEK it has been. I am about one-fourth of the way through treatment (but immunotherapy will be until April 2026), and I am just thankful to be in the process now. I have been ridiculously productive this week, which has been a blessing. I got a lot of tasks done, with the major ones remaining to be resolved, primarily, my living will. I had therapy earlier this week, and it was the topic we honed in on. I am thankful that the financial barrier is no longer there, but I do find myself procrastinating. The therapist and I worked through some exercises, and my task/homework is to get this living will done before my next session with her. It is interesting because it is the first thought of the day after I thank the universe/god that I wake up another day. I think of what needs to get done, and that document is at the top of the list.
I always considered myself a pretty death-positive person, but now, as I am deep in this process – I find myself reeling from the reality that the end is just more visible to me right now.
I am thankful for my energy this week, which has helped me proceed with these tasks. However, it felt like a giant weighted blanket had dropped on me last night, and the fatigue was too hard to fight through. I am feeling okay today, though the fatigue is there – I am just glad it’s not full force. I am looking forward to the weekend. I intentionally made plans to do as much and enjoy as many events as possible. I am still salty that the pain management available to me is limited, but I am finding myself choosing to experience the pain without any pain medication. This stems mainly from the warning label saying that if you have heart problems, the medication might not be the best for those with heart problems. I guess that’s the thing: chemo is making my heart rate increase, and it’s just a bit concerning, and I don’t want to risk anything right now. The other part of it is the same experience I have when I have my menstrual pains – I want to see how much I can tolerate. Either way, I am losing because it is very painful. I guess it’s a sign that the chemo is doing its job right. I’m sure I’ll change this decision soon and actually take the medication.
I have also signed up to go to a support group for others with the same diagnosis as me – and yet, I decided not to go last night. Part of me is still hesitant. I am scared, but I will work to make it.
Overall, though, I am happy. I feel okay and ready to take it on the weekend.