The waiting is a constant

Good morning from this sunny spot in my living room. I have had a very harrowing week, or at least that’s what it felt like. I made it through the weekend all right, and I no longer have significant concerns since the port surgery, aside from the quickly getting winded part. It’s much improved, and I saw no need to visit the ER. Yesterday, I went to get the oncologist, and it was a 50/50 chance that I would start chemo. Thankfully, I could start! The insurance approved the chemotherapy. They denied the immunotherapy component, but the doctor is appealing that decision. The visit was about 6 hours long, and I did not plan well for it. For one, I didn’t have breakfast, which messed with me. I had poor sleep quality paired with restless legs – usually an indicator for my menstrual cycle so that, on top of the no food, made for a very cranky experience. I also did not put the lido creme on my port site, which was a terrible oversight as the poke from the IV into the port was incredibly painful. It sucked the air out of me. Lesson learned. The chemo part is only about 1.5 hours. Still, the prep, pre-emptive administration of anti-nausea meds and steroids, letting them marinate in your system, monitoring, and cleaning adds another 2 hours. 3.5 hours tops. It was not too bad, but I was so thankful they had snacks and protein drinks available for patients. There was a lovely volunteer who knitted hats, and my mom grabbed a gorgeous red one for me – that came in SO handy since the room was SO cold, and I had cold therapy gloves and socks on to prevent any neuropathy from setting in; this hat covered my cold ears quite well. When I got done, all was okay, though I was fighting the sleep in the car. We got food, and I could clock a few hours at work. I was sweaty, became clammy, and somewhat agitated because the Wi-Fi wasn’t working, and I was just done today. I noticed more hair shedding than usual, but I’ve been shedding since the first surgery, so it’s hard to tell if it’s already the chemo. Did you know anesthesia causes hair shedding? I sure didn’t. It seems I got the perfect storm to start the treatment. Hopefully, this means the rest can only go up from here.
I woke up at 4 a.m. this morning and couldn’t go back to sleep. I hope that’s not a continuous issue. I do feel tired, and I thought the exhaustion from yesterday would help my body remain asleep longer. The constant in all of this has been the waiting in every aspect. It’s uncomfortable.
I hope today is a good day, and I am expected to be “fine” during the week. The doctor said we have to wait and see how the 3rd chemo round how I respond as will tell him how the remainder will go. Work-wise, I am still in limbo – I have to work on my resume and reach out to them. I don’t understand why I can’t stay in my current role. I am still bringing them money; I know they don’t want to lose me. I have to wait for that process.
Today, after work, I plan to do my nails with regular nail polish. After years of loving and using Japanese hard gel, I am looking forward to having some color on my nails.