2nd Surgery Update 

Yesterday, I reported to the hospital bright and early at 6 am to check in for my second surgery of the year. It was to place the chemo port on my upper left chest area. The process was far smoother and faster than last time, and understandably so, this surgery was considered “minor.” The nurse was fantastic and very cheerful. I saw the surgeon; she was cheery but looked focused and ready. I genuinely love this surgeon – she brought a lot of confidence and knowledge, which made me feel confident. I was second in line to get surgery, and it lasted 45 min, followed by an x-ray to make sure all looked good. I was so thankful I was given time to come out of the anesthesia on my own and not jolted away like last time. I came home and napped all day, then was visited by dear friends.
It is seriously unreal, the level of pain brought on by this surgery. The first MAJOR surgery didn’t have this effect on me, but I also have to consider I was placed on five medications plus ibuprofen. This time around, I was only given one medication and ibuprofen. The pain feels like if you’ve been punched in the gut and feel winded . . . but the pain is not in your diaphragm. It’s on the surgery site. I feel winded so quickly and in a constant state of nausea and dizziness. I cannot lift my left arm without causing this severe pain that even the medication doesn’t truly touch. I am even more incapacitated than last time, and it brought on more of an existential anxiety that I need to ask for more help to be able to exist on a day-to-day basis. My right arm has a bit more mobility, but now I have some severe pain in my left neck area, too, even when I move my mouth to smile or anything that makes my neck move. I have extra gauze in that area to create a small buffer with the surgical bra, but it’s not much since every movement still brings on the pain. I am taking this hour by hour. I have to remind myself this will all be okay.
The surgeon just described a “sore” feeling to be expected, but this doesn’t even feel like that. The surgery site looks ugly, but that is expected as well. I don’t even see where the needle is supposed to go in when I start chemo, but thankfully, that’s not my problem to figure out. I went to bed last night and thought the way I had my pillows placed was raised enough to sleep comfortably. NOPE, the moment I laid down, it felt like I had a lot of weight on my chest and felt suffocated. I slept sitting up and kept waking up every 2 hours – so much for quality sleep. I should have taken today off work, too, but since the surgeon and everyone were so confident that this surgery “wasn’t as bad, ” I didn’t foresee these issues. Before going to bed last night, I also developed a fever, but thankfully, it didn’t last long. I waited until the temperature returned to normal before allowing myself to sleep. I sent them an email this morning and am monitoring the symptoms. I know it’s only the first day, but how am I in so much more pain than with the previous one?
I am also considering whether reposting the GoFundMe link on my Facebook again is ethical. Is it overkill? Am I asking too much?
Gosh, what a day. I feel sleepy and want to be by myself right now. Again, this is an issue since my job involves literally interacting with others. The tears continue to come and go. I am feeling so much it’s hard to put into words. I know it’s a mixture of responding to the pain and just how messed up this whole thing is, and yet every time I try to make sense, it just doesn’t sound right. It’s weird to say, but I feel very loved and yet highly isolated at the same time.
Okay, this is it for now.
Thank you for continuing to read my updates.