This rollercoaster is terrible 

I have one more week away from work and have been itching to leave the house and do more. The pain is manageable, but I still have to be mindful of how much I carry and how much I extend my arms. Everything is bruised and still incredibly unsightly, but it is an improvement from last week.
Today, I had a call with the fertility specialist to discuss my options. The recommendation is to freeze my eggs and revisit once I am ready to have a baby. Chemotherapy will impact my ovaries and the rest of the body, but I didn’t think of this component in my plans for a future involving babies. Freezing eggs will be my backup plan in case conceiving naturally is not possible.
I understand that everything is inexplicably linked politically; the personal is political, and this is yet another example of that. I now must keep up with the news on how IVF is being discussed within legislation. This comes with the territory of existing.

According to what they are planning, I will get scheduled for an ultrasound and blood tests on Tuesday. This will delay my chemo by at least 3-4 weeks.
The primary question is the finances—how much will insurance cover, how much is needed upfront, and how much does it cost to store them?
If finances aren’t workable – then I will have to forfeit.
Maybe having children isn’t in the cards for me, and now I have to contend with that ambiguity. This rollercoaster keeps adding new turns, twists, and drops, and it’s not even over.
On top of all this, I emailed my supervisor earlier this week about the chemo plan, and they shared concerns about my inability to provide quality services to the families we serve. This concerns me because it’s setting the tone for uneasiness about where I stand in this company. FMLA does not cover me, and I would hate to be let go. I need the health insurance they offer to even pay for chemo and my treatment. I am trying to keep positive, but with the lack of response, my brain has only so many loops. Again, that comes with living in a country where universal healthcare is not a reality.
I am so thankful for my meditation practice, but wow. I am feeling a bit frazzled, but it is what it is.