Some few thoughts on recovery

Today is Sunday, so I shall keep this entry brief. We are now 5 days removed from the date surgery took place. It’s still fresh in my mind, and I am still just in shock that such an invasive and intense procedure was conducted on my body. Not only that but the shock that this was an outpatient procedure and I was able to return home that very same day. I’m in awe of technology and the advances that have allowed such a procedure to exist to treat cancer. I feel fortunate for so many variables in my life.
I am thankful for my family. I come from a very traditional Mexican family and am just so thankful for the love and care that has been given to me.
I am thankful that technology ensures that this treatment goes smoothly.
I am thankful for every new day I am given to live, and for the GRACE I am just now learning to bestow on myself for not rushing my healing or attempting to catch up to the nagging thoughts telling me I should be productive during this healing time. I think the grace has been easier simply because I have no option to push it away or hide it underneath the caffeine and jolting anxious thoughts.
I am finally doing a hard reset on my life with productivity and existence.
I always felt I had nothing to show for the stress and rush of my life—no money or career achievements. I was always very cognizant of it and recognized that in our current system, I really am not a blip, but I am always thankful I managed. Maybe those feelings will exacerbate now that I am rethinking so many parts of my life—not so much the reflection, but just the refusal to engage.
I want to draw, create, and exist and just to BE.

This is an exciting journey, and I just have one last thought before I sign off today.
I am so, so thankful for fiber and stool softeners. The one thing they don’t tell you about the narcotics they give you to manage the pain is that you’ll be so constipated. I would’ve liked the nurses to say to me – yes, we prescribed you XYZ; make sure to also pick up some stool softeners when you pick up your meds. Dear lord that would’ve helped me significantly. That’s TMI, but you need to know. Not for my sake – but should you ever be prescribed that – know it’ll have that effect on your body.