Truly a Liminal Space 

Well, the intent of this blog has stalled, changed, and expanded with recent events unfolding in my life. I originally intended this blog to simply be a practice in writing and to talk about my love of movies. I am no film critic, nor do I know much about films in a way that I can speak to the creation, development, or strategies used to transmit critical information, but I can speak to how these films impact and inspire me.
I still intend this to be the blog’s primary focus, but I’ll also expand it to help me process and document my most recent experiences and the waiting process.
In December 2024, I was diagnosed with Breast Cancer following my women’s wellness exam and a biopsy. I found a lump during a self-check, and my OBGYN noted that there was a high chance this was nothing based on location and my age. Both the OBGYN and breast surgeon proceeded with due diligence to biopsy this and determine whether this was a fleshy benign tumor or, in fact, cancer. When I got the call, the surgeon needed to see me in person, I knew something was wrong. The surgeon stepped into the office and stated I had breast cancer. She was straightforward, and I am thankful for her directness. Contending with the news has been weird. There really isn’t anything to ever prepare someone for the news that there are cells currently in your body that are actively working towards your demise. The weight of the word “Cancer” is enough to drive someone to stress-induced spiraling and add to the myriad list of questions to resolve,
“How much time do I have?”
“Why is this happening?”
“Could I have prevented this?”
“What does treatment look like?”
“How much will this cost – and is it better to forgo this to prevent undue stress onto those around me?”
“Have I led a good life?”
“What will others think?”
These are just a few of those questions, and I am not sure I have given them much space to contend with or attempt to resolve. I know that following the meeting with the surgeon and the oncologist to determine a game plan, I decided not to research or google any of the terms or search for answers. That would cause a lot of undue stress in an already stressful situation, and I did not want to find an answer for something like this on top of trying to navigate the steps of taking care of myself. I spent many good drives and time alone crying to cope and release all the pent-up stress. It feels like I have my sand timer, and I don’t know how much is left.
The oncologist explained that the markers of the biopsy indicate this is aggressive but that, optimistically, they may have caught it early. I am clinging to this news that will ensure my survival and perseverance through it all and lead a long, fulfilling life. I hope that this is the case.
I have too much left to do and to enjoy. I refuse to give up, and I will not.
This past Tuesday, I underwent surgery to remove the tumors, and it’s recovery time now. I am genuinely embodying the experience of being in a liminal space. I am taking leave from work for 4 weeks and genuinely hope I have a job to return to. The financial stress is wild to comprehend between paying copays, existing, and paying bills with no active income. I am learning the lesson of asking for help – something that is so incredibly hard to do.
Since Tuesday, my friends have checked in on me, and it’s been nice to have them help me with anything, even adjusting my pillow now that I can’t lift my arms past 30 degrees.
This entry is a mess and a mixture of so many threads. Ultimately, this blog aligns with the liminal nature of my current existence.

I hate that this diagnosis has pushed me into being active on the blog even more rather than my own volition or simply having time, but alas – it is what it is.

The photo of this entry is a sandcastle that was created last summer. It represents that ever changing landscape through the impact of nature.